Whenever we talk of Indian weddings, a comparison is bound to happen between love marriage and arranged marriage. In India, the social structure is such that no matter what, we tend to be slightly biased towards arranged marriage. The love marriage V/S arranged marriage debate has been raging on ever since the idea of marrying for love has become a common practice in India.
People still debate about which one is better, what should be the basis of marriage, love or social norms?
Keeping that in mind we decided to draw a clear line of difference between the two with the help of real couples.
1) Life After
“Life after love marriage remains the same. There is no difference. The person whom you loved before, is with you 24*7.” said Rahul Sehrawat who had a love marriage 3 years back.
On the other hand, Deepali Mangla, our real bride who had an arranged match a year ago, said “Your whole world changes. Even after love marriage, I think. The only difference being that you are more aware of the other families' environment much before in love marriage while in an arranged match such is not the case. Everything is new to you.”
Life changes after marriage, not only for the bride and groom, but also for the two families associated with it.
“You don’t have any unrealistic expectations from your partner. Both of you know the level of expectations,” said Rahul.
The courtship period in a love marriage itself sets a parameter of expectation you can have from your partner, which results in less disappointment.
In an arranged match two people are meeting for the first time, therefore, the scope of expectations forfeits automatically. “You enter a relationship with no expectations, hence there are minimal or no expectations. This really helps in building up a strong bond of love.” said Deepali.
3) Equation With The In-Laws
In case of love marriage, during your courtship days you meet your would-be in-laws, henceforth, the equation is pretty sorted even after the marriage.
Equation with the in-laws in an arranged marriage initially has the level of shyness. One is always apprehensive about blabbering too much in front of their in-laws.
4) Ease And Comfort
In case of love marriage the partners already share a certain level of ease and comfort, but in an arranged match, it takes some time to enter the zone of comfort.
Apart from these few differences, the dilemma in our mind was still persistent. To clarify our doubt we reached out to Mr. Harnam Singh Sharma, a retired judicial officer of the district court. He happens to have seen couples quarrel over issues big and small be it an arranged or love marriage. Mr. Sharma had a very clear and precise answer, “Like there are pros and cons of everything in our lives, similar is the case with marriages. Marriage requires one’s efforts, understanding, and a certain sensibility to make it work.“ He added “Today’s generation has a habit of giving up easily, even on their partners. They should learn to reap and nurture their relationship with a person with utmost dignity and self-respect.”
Indeed, he is right. Irrespective of how and when you find love, any successful marriage requires oodles of flexibility, compassion, empathy, selflessness and sacrifices for it to succeed. Love can grow over a period of time and can also fade away.
To conclude, marriage is not when a perfect couple comes together or if it is a love marriage or an arranged match, it is when two imperfect people understand each other’s differences and do every possible thing to sustain it.
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